I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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