I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
