you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
