i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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