i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
