I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
