im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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