Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
