Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
