Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
