dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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