I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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