Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize