The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
