you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
