I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
