I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
