ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
