i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
