RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
