my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
