We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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