Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
