my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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