im drinking this country out of the recession.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
