it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
