Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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