I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
