At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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