the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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