I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
