i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
