Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize