She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
