I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize