i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
