South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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