Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
