ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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