Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
