what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
