Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
