and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
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