Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
