I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
