She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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