Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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