Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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