I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
