so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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