You made me cry and you don't even care
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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