Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
