I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
