She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're a waste of cheezeits
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
