video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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