please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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