....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
