I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize