he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
there is glitter all over my balls
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
