Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
