I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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