i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
