my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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