I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
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last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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