He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
