Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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