i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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