I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
