you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
tell me about the fingering
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
