if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
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I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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