i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
