Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize