My hand turned me down
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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