You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
