You're so nebulous sometimes
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
