I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
