Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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