So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she peed on how many people?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
