Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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