Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
