Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sorry my hands just texted you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
