Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
