This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
