be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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