I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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